Sheer Melody

A mole's eye-view of the Cosmos


Horrible English songs

Deciding upon the worst songs ever is tough as it is potentially inflammatory. There is always chance of comments appearing out of nowhere on your review, just because of one song. And more than the comments, it’s how you decide on the worst songs ever, on the music, the lyrics or both.

Final countdown (Europe) : We’re heading for Venus, but still we stand tall/’Cause maybe they’ve seen us, and welcome us all . I am sure if those who stay in Venus ever heard lyrics like this, a welcome is the last thing we should expect. A typical hair-band of the eighties, practically all of Europe’s songs explored similar clichés and sound mind-numbingly boring.
I build the garden for us (Lenny Kravitz) : You’ll just be okay with us / We’ll live each day in peace / In hope that we will one day reach / The rest of the world / When they are ready to be teached. Artistic license is something I believe in, but muttering teached in a song? Taking it too far?
Ironic (Alanis Morissette): One of the stupidest songs I have heard in my life. She talks about stuff which is supposed to be ironic, but in reality, isn’t. Like rain falling on your wedding day . That’s not ironic, that’s unfortunate. Like a traffic jam when you are already late. Irony would be you going to a seminar on how you freed the town of traffic congestion, and getting late in a traffic jam in the process.
Every rose has its thorn (Poison): Another hair-band of the eighties, the lyrics go: Every rose has its thorn / Just like every night has its dawn / Just like every cowboy sings his sad, sad song / Every rose has its thorn. Lead lyricist took a few sayings out of a nursery book, and strung them together to a piece of sappy love-music. Terrible!
Wannabe (Spice Girls): I hate everything by these girls, but this one takes the cake for being the lousiest ever. Yo I’ll tell you what I want, what I really really want, So tell me what you want, what you really really want, I’ll tell you what I want, what I really really want, So tell me what you want, what you really really want, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna reallyreally really wanna zigzag ha. OK!
Tubthumping (Chumbawumba): A forgettable song by an equally forgettable band. I never figured out how a band could have Pissing the night away in a song.
Around the world (RHCP): Normally a technically proficient band, they have some really good songs. But for this one, I guess all of them just forgot to complete it. I know, I know, for sure / ding ding dang ding ding ding don ding don dang, and thus it goes.
Bills, bills, bills (Destiny’s Child): Can you pay my bills?/Can you pay my telephone bills?/Can you pay my automo’ bills?/Then maybe we can chill/I don’t think you do/so you and me are through. A song which is capable of taking you back in time, way back in time, actually.
Control (Puddle of Mud): I love the way you look at me/I love the way you smack my a**/I love the dirty things you do/I have control of you. Seriously, what was he thinking when he wrote this? A disgrace to rock music, and amazingly misogynistic.
My humps (Black-eyed Peas): My hump, my hump, my hump, my hump, my hump / My hump, my hump, my hump, my lovely lady lumps. When I first heard this on radio, I wondered if on continued listening, it would reveal itself in some strange, spiritual way. Finally, it did not.
O-bla-di O bla-da (The Beatles): Although I am a big fan of the Beatles and their brand of music, I somehow felt that they had touched rock-bottom with this song. With a dash of brass sections, trumpets and screeching vocals which make no sense, this should be scrapped off all Beatles anthologies.
Ebony and Ivory (Paul McCartney and Stevie Wonder): It’s like one of those songs which are supposed to be about racial harmony and all that, but somehow still makes you cringe. To be fair to both of them, the song was written in a time when both of them were starved for ideas. I wish they wouldn’t have asked the whites and the blacks to get along like the keys of the piano. It sounded plain stupid.
My heart will go on (Celine Dion): Normally I hate everything that this lady sings, and her two compatriots, Whitney Houston and Mariah Carey. But this tops the charts for its somnolent lyrics, and mushy undertone. What could be worse than listening to – Every time I see you, I feel you , or words to that effect, and immediately after that, my heart will go on, and on, and on , and so on and so forth.
Glory Days (Springsteen): Somewhere during the course of the song, he sings: He could throw that speed ball by you / make you look like a fool. One could never figure out what he was actually trying to say, make a comment on drug-abuse or a baseball player.
A** like that (Eminem): I ain’t never seen an a** like that / The way you move it, you make my peepee go doing doing doing. Worst lyrics ever, period.
Skater Boi (Avril Lavigne): I hate this singer with all my heart, and this song just reinforces that. He was a boy, she was a girl / Can I make it any more obvious? I guess she just couldn’t make it any stupider.
Achy Braky heart (Billy Ray Cyrus): Normally country music is a haven for great lyrics. This song unfortunately falls into the same category, and has horrible lyrics which go this way: And if you tell my heart / My achy breaky heart / He might blow up and kill this man.
Oops I did it again (Britney Spears): Yes, this just proves that although Britney is exceedingly aware of her meager compositional skills, she went ahead and made yet another song.
Barbie girl (Aqua): The band got sued by Mattel for degrading their dolls, but that didn’t take this song off air. The only thing that can be worse than listening to Come on Barbie, let’s go party is Aa – ah – ah – yeah.
Quit playing games with my heart (Backstreet boys): A boy band had to feature here, and who better than the quintessential bad boys of pop music. Horrible lyrics, horrible music, and five plainly stupid guys on a music video make this one of the worst songs of all time. The boys have however redeemed themselves and made songs which would put this one to shame, but since this is the most popular, I just had to put it in.

Adios!

6 Responses to “Horrible English songs”

  1. # Anonymous Anonymous

    I'm so waiting for the "best" list.  

  2. # Blogger Blog Barfer

    what a bohemian man u are! i bow to you.. all of us have been blind for sooo long..  

  3. # Blogger panu

    you did not add "baby got back" and "doncha"  

  4. # Blogger Samyak

    I agree with most.

    But for me 'Makarena' would take the cake.  

  5. # Blogger DreamCatcher

    awwww...except for the first 4, couldn't agree with you more :)  

  6. # Blogger Rapid I Movement

    Every Rose is what? You must be kidding!

    Btw, I think most of the Guns lyrics is just plain plain bad. Like, how Paradise City starts..."welcome home to the paradise city/Where the grass is green and the girls are pretty"
    Loads of drugs and loads of sex...wtf??  

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